Peace, The unexplained kind.

Peace. What is true peace? A quietness, a calm state of mind. I didn't truly know what peace looked like until April 2016. 

You see, God was prepping my heart, over and over and over. God led me to many different communities over the last 2 years so I could get plugged in with other believers. I struggled with finding my place in each one, yet the Lord told me to dig deep, to cling to His Word- The Bible.

So that is what I did. I made a decision each day to get up, take my time to focus on what He wants from me and how I could give back to the Kingdom. 

Leading up to losing Holston, God gave me  a message daily: TRUST ME & HAVE PEACE. It was an overwhelming type feeling that's still hard to put into words. I had a feeling something horrible was about to take place, not just horrible, but tragic and would end in death. My heart ached. I cried. I didn't speak of it to anyone because I didn't want to bring those thoughts or words to existence. Yet still, He kept placing that feeling in me to Trust Him and Have Peace. Every scripture I read, every sermon I listened to, every song I heard, lead back to those words. I didn't know when or what would happen, but  I did know for one month something was about to be life altering. However, I did keep feeling that it would be my husband. That was the thought crossing my mind. I would be a widow with 3 small babies trying to make it in this life, the thought freaked me out and concerned me.

Then Tuesday morning came. It was just normal, nothing out of it's place, quiet, even peaceful. Holston woke up at 5:30am as always taking a run and go to his door like a football player tackling the biggest guy on the team. We got up together, he ate his breakfast, I poured my coffee and we sat on the couch together while I read my morning devotional and bible and he watched tv. Most of the time He would cuddle up to me and ask to "colur in mommy's bible", that morning I gave him my highlighter and he scribbled away in my journal. I didn't think it would be his last picture he would ever scribble for me.
I'm not ready to get into details or share it all on this blog yet, maybe I will one day, but today isn't the day.
So I am going to fast forward just a bit to save this mama's heart. I will say, the moment Holston left this earth, when his soul left his body, I had that overwhelming peace. It was calm in my heart and even my mind as I was trying to give my little boy CPR and keep him alive. BUT I knew He was gone. I knew Jesus swept him up and ushered him straight to Heaven. It's still overwhelming to this day to think about why God would give me indescribable peace. I realized not everyone has that after losing a loved one or a tragic accident. Yet the good Lord let me have that peace. I don't think it was an accident that day. Yes it was tragic, yes it wholeheartedly sucks, I miss my son, I miss his hugs and kisses and hearing him say "I YOU, MAMA!"( he would forget to say love often). God lends us our children, any moment he can take them or anyone from us or allow it to happen. Death is a part of life. We all will have to walk through it eventually. I think God did allow us to lose our little boy, so heaven could gain him, and more importantly so others could know Jesus from our loss.

Jesus is alive and real. I know Holston and many other loved ones and friends are with him now. It doesn't take much to believe and start a relationship with Jesus.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9


I am so grateful for the relationship I have had with my savior throughout this past year, for his strength and overwhelming peace He has given me. I will continue to have faith and trust Him through this process.

I hope you are able to find a ray of hope and faith and peace from this today. May God give you that gift and help show you the way he wants you to go.

With love,
 Haley