Old Time Portrait

Old Time Portrait

In May when we spent a few weeks away from our home and at the end of our trip we stopped in Tennessee for a couple of nights. I was really wanting to get the old time family photos done, so we did ( I have a good husband ;) ). The girls were ready for a nap so it was a little wild which meant I didn't have time to ponder on the situation. It was our first official family picture without our sweet Holston. If you can't tell, I'm kinda obsessed with taking pictures, and I've always wanted an old time family portrait. But I wasn't expecting to not have my sweet, wild, first-born boy in the picture. It's just really hit me since I put this picture on my desk a few weeks ago. I can imagine how really that day would have gone, he would have climbed on every set up and tore up the place. Made a mess but enjoyed each moment of it. And I'm sure with him in the picture it would have been hilarious actually trying to get a good one. 
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His wildness made me extra crazy most days, I never knew what to expect. He was on the constant go, go, go. And now, I never knew I would miss it so much like I do. He kept me guessing, he kept me even more humble, he kept my endurance on high, he kept me laughing and even crying most days. His joy for life was nothing like I ever experienced. He taught me how to be a mom, and how to enjoy the little things with him. 

I know I said it before to other parents, "I don't know how you survive after losing a child. How you keep moving forward." It's hard. It doesn't come easy some days. BUT our God is sovereign, he is good and he knows what we need more than we know what we need. It's hard to accept that sometimes.  Trust and active Faith is how we are surviving. Believing we will get to experience our sweet Holston again forever in Eternity. 

So as I sit continuing to miss our sweet boy, I will focus in on Gods love and faithfulness. He is good. He brings healing. He brings joy and gladness to those who mourn. 

Choosing to have hope in God is one of the most important steps we could have made through this process. 

We are gearing up to take another round of family pictures soon, now that this has crossed my mind and I've expressed it, I hope to be past "the firsts" of these. God is good and I will continue to lean on him for my strength. 

<3 Haley (TwinMamaPlusONE)