4 years a mama

(3.31.16,He just devoured a cupcake)

      4 years ago today, this precious face made me a mama! Our own little piece of Heaven on earth came in the form of 7 pounds 13 ounces on the most precious Holiday, EASTER! I knew Gods realness was present more than ever when I held His sweet promise to us that afternoon. I knew, I knew, I knew that this boy would be born on Easter. I just felt it. I like to think God gave me that feeling. Which made becoming a mama even more precious knowing Jesus rose from the grave that day. He came 2013 years prior to save me and all of us from our sins! What a sweet, precious,free gift!!

Days, weeks, and months go by, and this boy taught me many lessons. He went through 2 surgeries before the age of two, and those surgeries were traumatic to all of us when he was coming out of sedation. He was in therapy for speech and behavior, well basically because his mind was racing and he had so much zest for life on the daily that we (really I) didn't know how to handle him. But the things he taught me most of all, was(is) to love fearlessly and enjoy what blessings surround us. He really didn't get the word no, it was more like not right now. His little self was always on the go ready to see what else he could tackle, or climb, or get into.

I long to hold and cuddle this sweet soul again, I know I say it in every blog post, but the feeling is so strong and real. I can only imagine the goodness he gets to experience today in Heaven, no sin, no fear, no shame, just love and goodness and much more than our minds can imagine. I want to celebrate his 3 year life that was loaned to us by God today and every day. I want to celebrate the fact that I will get to experience him again since this is just our temporary home. I'll get to see him and spend eternity with my sweet child, and hopefully all my children and family members. He may not be here in the flesh any longer, but knowing that forever I'll experience eternity with him, is such a sweet promise.

Since Heaven gained Holston, my prayer life and longing to be in a deeper relationship with God has brought me closer to God. Sometimes God really has to walk us through a tragedy to draw us closer to him. My devotional this morning was exactly this message. Here's a piece of it:

"The storms of sorrow through bereavement are intense, but they are one of the Father's ways of driving me to Himself. His purpose is to softly and tenderly speak to my heart in the secret, hidden place of His presence. There is a certain glory of the Master that can only be seen when the wind is contrary and my ship is being tossed by the waves.

Jesus Christ is not my security against the storms of life, but He is my perfect security in the storms of life. He has never promised me an easy passage, only a safe landing.

Oh, set your sail to the heavenly gale,
And then, no matter what winds prevail,
No reef can wreck you, no calm delay;
No mist will hinder, no storm will slay;
Though far you wander and long you roam
Through salt sea sprays and o'er white sea foam,
No wind can blow but that will speed you Home.
                                                    Annie Johnson Flint "
Devotional by Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman


Alright, off to continue the  celebration of this sweet precious face who made me a mama, drove me deeper to God and taught me many lessons. Happy Birthday Holston. <3 Haley


(( P.S. I am sooooo grateful for my friends who helped keep me occupied and celebrated Holstons life with me today! I don't know how I have been dealt so many amazing, God loving friends, but I sure do appreciate you all! 😘 The loving texts and phone calls have helped too. Xoxo))

Peeling back the layers...

      God has been revealing new things to me lately in such a simple, yet lovingly ways. One of the biggest messages I have been getting from Him the past couple of months is where I put my identity.

 You see, I have always struggled with my pride in WHO I am as a person. Being the girl who made A's and B's in school. Being the young,married college student who worked full time while attending nursing school. Being the stay at home wife/mom who was raising 3 babies 15 months apart still in diapers. You know all those labels, that made me into who I am today. I realized that those labels, really aren't the things that made me who I am today. Being a wife, nurse, mom, volunteer, or anything else does matter, but not as much as WHOSE I am and WHO He created me to be. I've realized He is stripping me of these layers, so I can take pride in WHO I am through Christ, not through my own self. 

Losing the identity of an RN, changed me more than I thought. I took great pride in becoming a nurse and working to help others. Gaining a stay at home mom title to 3 babies, really changed my perspective and upped my pride even more. Then loosing the identity of being a mom raising a wild 3 year old boy, plus twin almost 2 year old girls, really rocked my world. Sometimes The Lord can be so gentle at telling us things we should change so we aren't stripped of the things we take such pride in, yet other times He has the ability to pull the rug right out from underneath us. 

Gosh, He's been humbling me sometimes slowly, but this past time it has felt more like a BIG "AH-HA" moment! Yet, he's still giving me grace and mercy every single day. 

I share this to ask you the same question I have been asking myself,  are you also putting your identity in your own self worth? In the things you do rather than WHOSE you are, and pointing back to The man, our God,  who created you to do those things? I would love to challenge you to listen to Him more, get into the Bible and really try to dig into your true identity in Him. It's still so easy for me to fall back into pride, and try to take that control of who I am, but I try to remember God is the one who is making me this way. He is the one changing my heart daily, and bringing me closer to humiliation in Him.

He can make my true identity prevail and YOUR true identity prevail. He is ruthlessly chasing me and you to Be the one HE created us to be. 

With less layers today, I send love. ~ Haley, twinmamaplusone(and one more soon ;)  )